Husband and Wife

This was shared by Kuya Ben Leano at the CLEAN FUN GROUP at facebook:

This is the best and most civil way to have a fight between husband and wife instead of

resorting to physical force...

Poems written by WIFE and HUSBAND.

WIFE:

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.

I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND:

God saw me hungry, he created pizza.

He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

WIFE:

Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far

HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you

Photo source:
http://ilovebytina.blogspot.com/

Anger Management

Husband to wife : When I get mad at you, you never fight back.
How do you control your anger?

Wife : I clean the toilet bowl.

Husband : How does that help?

Wife : I use your toothbrush .

(Sent by my friend from Egypt)

Laundry problem

Mrs. Thurston stormed into the A-1 Laundry and demanded to see the owner. Mr. Fulton appeared from behind a curtain.

"I'm the owner," he said. "Do you have a complaint?"

"A complaint?" echoed the upset customer. "
"
You have the nerve to call yourself an A-1 cleaner?"

She threw something accross the counter. "Just take a look at a sample of your work!"

Fulton picked up the object and studied it.
"Lady, there's not a thing wrong with this lace," he pronounced.

"Lace!" Mrs. Thurston screamed. "When I brought it in to be cleaned it was a sheet!"

(oh,ohh!)

Source:Leo Rosten, The Joys of Yinglish (McGraw-Hill)

Daddy's Calling

Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,

'Hello?'

Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?'

'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'

After a brief pause, Daddy says:

'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'

'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, Right now.'

Brief Pause.

Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'

'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'

A few minutes later...The little girl comes back to the phone.

'I did it, Daddy.'

'And what happened, honey?'

'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!'

'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'

'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water. Last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'

*****Long Pause*****

*****Longer Pause*****

*****Even Longer Pause*****

Then Daddy says,'Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?'

No, I think you have the wrong number.

(Source: Emailed to me by an Egyptian friend.)

Cholesterol Level

"Your cholesterol level is unbelievably high," a doctor told his patient during a physical examination.

"How bad is it?"

The doctor pointed out the window. "See that field of oats out there?"

"Yes?"

"Bon appetit!"


-Parker and Hart, North America Syndicate

Robot talk

"How's that book you're reading?" one robot asked to the other.

"Is it any good?"

"Naah. Just the usual," replied her companion. Boy loses girl. Boy builds girl."


Source: Louis Philips, Way Out! (Viking Kestrel)

Circus

Desperate for work a man went to the owner of a local circus and asked if there were many openings. The owner told him that he needed a high-wire act, but the job required walking without a net over the lion's pit while wearing a monkey suit.

In no position to quibble, the man took the job, put on the suit and climbed to the high wire amid the stunned gasps of the crowd.

Stepping gingerly on the thin cord, he began to shuffle his way across, but quickly lost his footing and tumbled into the lion's cage.

"Help!" the man screamed as the lion pounced on him.
"This beast is going to eat me!"

"Shut up!" the lion said angrily.
"You want to get us all fired?"

(Marlon Huerta, Reader's Digest)

Photo: Source

Best suicide note ever written?

One man asked his friend: What is the best suicide note ever written?

His friend said, "What? That's ridiculous? How can a suicide note be written that way?

"Easy, my friend". Just write: 'WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

(He he he he! NO offense meant to married men. )