Laughter Is The Best Medicine

This is the best and most civil way to have a fight between husband and wife instead of resorting to physical force...  Poems written by WIFE and HUSBAND. WIFE: I wrote your name on sand it got washed. I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then I wrote your name on my heart, I got Heart Attack. HUSBAND: God saw me hungry, he created pizza. He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi. He saw me in the dark, he created light. He saw me without problems, he created YOU.  WIFE: Twinkle twinkle little star You should know what you are And once you know what you are Mental hospital is not so far  HUSBAND: The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too. If rain makes all things beautiful Why doesn't it rain on you?  WIFE: Roses are red; Violets are blue Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo. Don't feel so angry you will find me there too Not in cage but outside, laughing at you Photo source: ...

Husband to wife : When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger? Wife : I clean the toilet bowl . Husband : How does that help? Wife : I use your toothbrush . (Sent by my friend from Egypt)

Mrs. Thurston stormed into the A-1 Laundry and demanded to see the owner. Mr. Fulton appeared from behind a curtain. "I'm the owner," he said. "Do you have a complaint?" " A complaint?" echoed the upset customer. " " You have the nerve to call yourself an A-1 cleaner?" She threw something accross the counter.   "Just take a look at a sample of your work!" Fulton picked up the object and studied it. " Lady, there's not a thing wrong with this lace, " he pronounced. "Lace!" Mrs. Thurston screamed.   "When I brought it in to be cleaned it was a sheet!" (oh,ohh!)   Source:Leo Rosten, The Joys of Yinglish (McGraw-Hill)

Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, 'Hello?' Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?' 'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.' After a brief pause, Daddy says: 'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.' 'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, Right now.' Brief Pause. Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.' 'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.' A few minutes later...The little girl comes back to the phone. 'I did it, Daddy.' 'And what happened, honey?' 'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!' 'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Pau...

"Your cholesterol level is unbelievably high," a doctor told his patient during a physical examination. "How bad is it?" The doctor pointed out the window. "See that field of oats out there?" "Yes?" "Bon appetit!" -Parker and Hart, North America Syndicate

"How's that book you're reading?" one robot asked to the other. "Is it any good?" "Naah. Just the usual," replied her companion.  Boy loses girl. Boy builds girl." Source: Louis Philips, Way Out! (Viking Kestrel)

Desperate for work a man went to the owner of a local circus and asked if there were many openings. The owner told him that he needed a high-wire act, but the job required walking without a net over the lion's pit while wearing a monkey suit. In no position to quibble, the man took the job, put on the suit and climbed to the high wire amid the stunned gasps of the crowd. Stepping gingerly on the thin cord, he began to shuffle his way across, but quickly lost his footing and tumbled into the lion's cage. "Help!" the man screamed as the lion pounced on him. "This beast is going to eat me!" "Shut up!" the lion said angrily. "You want to get us all fired?" (Marlon Huerta, Reader's Digest)

One man asked his friend: What is the best suicide note ever written? His friend said, "What? That's ridiculous? How can a suicide note be written that way? "Easy, my friend". Just write: 'WILL YOU MARRY ME?" ( He he he he! NO offense meant to married men . )

Peter's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics when she heard that they would make her look years younger. After applying the products, she asked her husband: "Darling, tell me honestly. What age would you say I am?" Looking her over carefully, Peter replied: "Let me see. Judging by your skin, 20; your hair 18; and your figure, 25." "Oh you flatterer, she gushed in delight." "No wait, Peter replied. I have not added them up yet!" (Source: Reader's Digest, Vol.81.No.482, May 2003 edition)

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... *********** My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... *********** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion. I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, ' Do you know her?' 'Yes, ' I sighed, ' She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, ' who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... ********* I took my wife to a restaurant. T...

Dear Mr. Mabuti, Please excuse my daughter, Cecilia Ganda, for being absent in your class because her sister got sick; her mother cannot attend to her due to the fact that the father went to Manila to call his sister who is a nurse but who was sent to a seminar in Cebu; so the father decided to call his mother but she was on vacation in Antipolo because her granddaughter joined a field trip; finally, the father came home to look for another helper but the helper eloped because her former boyfriend married another. Thank your very much. Your kind consideration will be highly and deeply solicited. Sincerely yours, MRS. TINA MAAN (Source: Jokes, here, there and everywhere)

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. ' Well ,' said the director, ' we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.' 'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. ' A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup..' 'No' said the director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?' (The visitor became the next patient! Waaaa!)

Two newly weds received two tickets for a popular stage play in town for the next day. The donor was anonymous but the couple thought that maybe the tickets were wedding presents from a family member who wanted to surprise them. So without much ado, they left their home the following day to watch the show. All their wedding gifts were still unopened in the living room. As soon as they arrived home, they saw a large note outside their door saying, NOW YOU KNOW! All their wedding gifts were stolen by their ticket donor --a burglar!

Hindustan Lever has job vacancies in their deo /perfume Plant. If you're interested, apply to: hrhl@MNC.com , The Package: 1. Proposed salary is Net Rs.75,000/mth, 2. Health benefits 3. 6 hours / day 4. 5 working days / week 5. Transport provided 6. Medical Benefits - Rs.8500/pm Conditions: 1. You only need to have a very good sense of smell. 2. Willingness to explore with your nose Scroll down for a demo of the job......... ...... V V V V V

Here is a puzzle for you.... 1.Imagine you are in Africa . 2.You have been tied hanging on a tree with a rope anchored on the ground.... 3. A candle is slowly burning the rope, and the lion is waiting for you to drop and be his lunch. 4.Your survival hinges on the rope staying intact.. 5.There is no one around to help you. 6. What to do now? 7. Write your answer before your scroll down.... SCROLL DOWN FOR ANSWER... V V V V V V SING A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :) He,he,he,he!

Job rejected? Next time your application for a job is rejected... Here is how one rejected job applicant replied through e-mail: Dear [Interviewer' s Name ]: Thank you for your letter of [Date of Interview ]. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have had been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [ Firm's Name ]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then. Best of luck in rejecting future candidates. Sincerely , [Your Name ]

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway thatgoes from 0 to 200  in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!! " She was expecting a brand new car. The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway . Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale ! Rick has been missing since Friday . Please pray for him ..